


the flowers of pain

by americanKarkat



Category: Lego Ninjago, Ninjago - Fandom
Genre: GreenFlame - Freeform, M/M, Soulmate AU, Trans Character, kai is trans, no capitalized letters, the other three are irrelevant, trans Kai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-02 04:57:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18804169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanKarkat/pseuds/americanKarkat
Summary: a character study about trans!kai and greenflame———soulmate au: when your soulmate cries, a flower grows on your body (mostly your back). the more violent the crying is, the more painful it is———trans: to feel great discomfort in your own body and sex (your biological makeup), and feeling more comfortable with taking on another gender





	the flowers of pain

kai wasnt a crier. not really.

he cried when his parents went missing, sure, but anyone would. he cried when people pulled on his hair, and then some more when they all made fun of him for “looking like a boy” once he cut it all off as well, but that was really it. he knows how painful the marks can get.  
he gets a new one every night.  
sometimes it’s just a prick- a little something to tell him that his soulmate is hurting. sometimes it’s so painful that he yells in the middle of the night, waking up nya with his screams. those nights are the worst- he swears that he’ll make his soulmate feel better once they meet.  
but after years of always waking up in agonizing pain, he begins to lose hope. he begins to hate his soulmate, for always crying- for always causing him pain. he doesn’t cry though. he knows how much it hurts, so he just.. doesnt cry.

then, nya gets kidnapped. he’s frustrated. he yells- yells until his throat hurts, yells until he passes out. he feels tears fall from his eyes before he completely loses consciousness. he hopes it’s a small pain, even if his soulmate has caused him thrice as much. he’s mad, but he isnt heartless.

the man that saved him is an old man with the name of “sensei wu”. it sounds familiar, but not enough for kai to care. sensei wu tells him that he must become a ninja in order to save his sister. kai agrees, though he doesn’t quite trust the old man- he lives on top of a mountain for goodness sake!  
he meets three other ninja, after they ambush him wrongly. he doesnt blame them though, but he wishes they would stop to think “why would the intruder brush his teeth in the monastery?” the other three ninja are all soulmates, which is cute, he guesses, but it makes him feel left out. cole and zane have a bunch of flowers, which makes jay the crier. the blue ninja swears its all from his childhood, but kai doesnt miss the glance the other two give each other.

“we need to save my sister,” kai announces. jay makes a joke, insinuating that he‘ll only save her if she’s cute. kai doesnt know whether to entertain the thought or punch him- he doesnt get the choice when both cole and zane hit him. he thinks it’s fine, but then cole tells him that they have a mission first- the weapons are more important than finding his sister. he doesnt like that, but he goes along with it- it was three against one anyways.

its fine until the skeleton army points out that his ninja suit is tight and he gets self conscious about his body. did the other ninja notice? how long has it been like this? who knows?  
suddenly its a lot harder to breathe and see. he works in autopilot- knocking everyone and everything down. once theyre gone, he takes a moment to cave into himself, covering his chest and trying to focus his breathing again. he feels tears stream down from his eyes and they’re so uncontrollable that he knows its a painful flower. he apologizes, even though his soulmate isnt there with him. he faintly hears someone yell his name, and a muffled command to take care of something. he feels the ground vibrate underneath him, indicating that someone’s near. he flinches. the person stops, and he faintly hears someone asking if they can touch him. he hesitates, but eventually allows it. the touch is soft and cold. it brings him back into the present, where he suddenly gets hyperaware of everything- his clothes, his body, the hand on his arm, his hair, the growing pain on his shoulder...  
...pain on his shoulder?  
he didnt get hit, did he? no, he couldnt have. wait, but that means—  
“hello? kai! are you here with me?” he blinked, looking to his right. zane fills his vision, with concern written on his face, although his eyes appear blank. “are you feeling better? can you hear me?” he blinks again, but then slowly starts to nod. the other sighs in relief and immediately goes in to hug him. “thank god, i thought we lost you.”  
“why would it have been a problem?” hes confused, and rightfully so- they only knew him for about a week prior to this point, so it didn’t quite make sense for them to care this much. it seemed like he had caused more trouble than good, always rushing in without them. he also had the vague idea that he was bothering the other three- intruding on their soulmate bonds.  
“you’re our teammate,” zane said, confused. “our friend, and most importantly, our brother. we havent known each other for long, but you are still important to us, kai.” he feels tears threatening to spill, but his shoulder aches and he feels bad for making his soulmate go through that pain, so he pushes back the tears and hugs the white ninja back.  
“i... thanks, zane. i think i needed to hear that.”

another problem occurs when the ninja get called to take care of lord garmadon. at this point, they had already saved nya, and trained enough to be able to spinjitzu freely, without breaking a sweat, but not enough to understand the power that they hold. they rush towards the city that was attacked- word had it that the serpentine were involved as well- but when they got there, all that greeted the four ninja was a small boy, barely the age of 11, attempting to terrorize the citizens for candy. there was something about the boy- lloyd was his name- but he didnt stick around long enough to figure it out. the ninja tied him up on a pole, bought some candy, and then left the city- ready to call it a day and leave. however, once kai reached his dragon, he felt a stabbing pain on his chest. he exclaimed in pain, clutching at the spot. the other three immediately came over to check it out, but he only shook his head, keeping them back. it was too coincidental, he thought, but decided to keep it to himself. besides, the kid was eleven years old! he was 14, and it was just... not a good age span.  
"i'm good," he lies, willing himself to push down the growing pain. "must have ate something bad last night." the others look skeptic, but thankfully they don't comment. as he boards his dragon again, a scroll falls out of his bag. it's something about a 'green ninja', and he feels a connection to the name- it means something to him, but he doesn't know what. could it be that the connection is because he, himself, is the green ninja? prophesied to defeat lord garmadon? jay laughs at him, nudging at his arm.  
"that's crazy. if anything, i'm the green ninja," jay had said. the four end up racing back, testing each other to see who would be best fitted to be the fated green ninja.

it was in jay's old home that they really meet again. well, "home" was a generous word for what it was, but the family was happy living there so kai couldn't judge.  
the younger boy had actually released the serpentine this time, causing the venomari to wreck havoc on the junkyard. llyod was standing beside their leader, looking down on the ninja. kai thought about crying- just a bit, to see if he was actually his soulmate or not- but before he could decide what to do, a giant nunchuck slammed down on the group. kai almost didn't dodge it in time, but thankfully cole tackled him out of the way. the dust in the air caused him to cough, making breathing harder. he rubbed at his eyes, but it turned out to be a mistake as he only succeeded to rubbing dirt into his eyes. he teared up, uncomfortable by being blind.  
"what's got you distracted?" cole asked, hitting him a little bit.  
"i have something in my eye," he deflected. "it's bothering me and i can't focus all the way." he heard a sharp intake of air from above, but before he could look to see what it was, cole continued to speak.  
"try and refocus then, buddy. on your left! move!" another attack was given, sending the two flying. kai took his chance to look towards llyod and they locked eyes- green irises widening at the sight of the fire ninja's tears. the boy's hand went to the side of his neck, presumably where it started hurting when kai cried. shortly after, lloyd panicked and ordered them to leave. with the boy gone, however, kai was able to regain focus and they defeated the objects with ease.  
the ninja then chased down the rest of the venomari in hopes to capture both the antidote and the boy, but they only managed to get the antidote- which is great considering jay's parents were two seconds away from completely transforming.  
after jay's parents were alright, kai decided to leave the room. it wasn't his moment to intrude on, and he'd done enough of that already. surprisingly, however, he was joined by the earth ninja, who knocked on the doorframe.  
"do you mind if i come in?' he had asked. kai only shook his head 'no' and scooted over on the bed. cole hesitated for a moment, but ended up sitting beside him anyways. "he's your soulmate, isn't he? lloyd, i mean." the brunette blinked and immediately started to deny it.  
"what are you talking about? me and lloyd? soulmates?" kai spluttered at the implication. "nah. psh. you've been thinking too much on this, dude. i mean, how would we even know? we've only met the kid like five times now- not to mention there's not really a way for us to know if we're actually soulmates or not-" he was cut off when cole placed a hand onto his shoulder, silencing him almost instantaneously.  
“it’s okay, man,” the other reassured. “i knew for a while, anyways. ive always had sharp ears, so that time we went to the village and left lloyd hanging, i heard him start to cry. then you immediately collapsed in pain, and, well, it could have been a coincidence but you kept looking at lloyd during the fight today and it sort of confirmed it.” he groaned, placing his head in his hands.  
“im a freak,” he spoke, solemn. “my soulmate is the enemy and he’s like five years younger than i am. i can never show my face again.” cole chuckled, amused, and patted his back in comfort.  
”im sure you’ll figure it out, dude. but, for now, rest easy. and uh, try to be less discreet next time? you almost died because you were staring at him.” kai cursed again and laid down, embarrassed that he’d been caught.  
”do you think the others know?” he asked, just because. cole shrugged, even though kai wasnt looking at him.  
”truthfully? probably. jay’s smarter than he acts and nothing slips past zane. with your luck, im sure even sensei wu knows.” another groan was given, obviously unpleased with the revelation. “get some rest. ill tell them you got hurt a little during the fight.”

he’s angry. he’s frustrated. most of all, he’s upset. he’s angry that the other's reached their full potential before him. he’s frustrated that he can’t figure it out. he’s upset that he’s the weakest out of all of them. weaker than the other ninja, weaker than nya, weaker than sensei wu. maybe it’s that fact that he foolishly chased after the fangblade when the volcano was growing more and more unstable.  
”it’s not worth losing your life!” jay cried out, distressed. but kai continued on.  
what is he, if he can’t obtain one stupid fangblade? what is he, if he cant gain his true potential? what is he, if he cant defeat lord garmadon? what is he, if he’s not the green ninja?  
his thoughts were cut off when he heard someone calling out his name. he had freed his sword and the fangblade, but it was slowly about to be engulfed in the lava. when he looked over to see who called for him, his eyes widened at the choice he needed to make. the decision should have been easy- save lloyd: his soulmate, a friend, sensei wu’s nephew, and most important of all a kid. but his thoughts were still conflicted by the fangblade- hoping that he’d prove himself by being able to save it. suddenly, lava shot out from underneath, making lloyd yell in fear. kai decided to abandon the fangblade and hopped over to the boy.  
“i’m here,” kai said. “come on. let’s get out of here.” there were a million thoughts going through his head. he’d finally found his soulmate- the one who had caused him the most pain out of everyone. he had so much he wanted to say to him, but this wasnt the place nor the time. more lava shot out and he shielded the younger one, feeling lloyd shiver in pain.  
suddenly, it clicked. why he couldnt unlock his full potential, why everyone could unlock theirs before him, and why he was so obsessed with the green ninja. he felt power running through his veins as the grip lloyd had on him became stronger. he felt the volcano erupting, but didnt feel any pain or the sweltering heat. when kai opened his eyes, he saw the bounty and made his way towards it, lloyd in his arms. he fainted shortly after landing, his thoughts finally quelled by unconsciousness.

even though he always had a feeling he wasnt the green ninja, he was still disappointed. while everyone was celebrating being alive and well, kai slipped out and headed towards his room. like before, he sat on his bed and thought about all that had happened. he couldnt help it- it’s been years since he’d really cried on his own. all of the weight of stress and disappointment tumbled out and he allowed himself to cry. he knew it was a bad decision as it happened- lloyd was hanging around his friends and family. they all knew who his soulmate was, which means they all would find out that he was crying. surprisingly enough, he heard a sharp intake of pain outside the door.  
“k..kai?” the voice called out. he cursed at himself, but got up to open the door anyways. when he opened the door, the tears hadn’t stopped and lloyd found himself hugging kai for comfort. they stayed like that for a while, well past after he’d stopped crying. when they departed, kai rubbed at his eyes and looked down at lloyd.  
”sorry,” he apologized weakly. “i forgot you could feel it when i cried.” the newly declared green ninja shook his head and hugged kai again.  
”no, im sorry,” the other countered, grip tightening. “i didnt know about it. i cried so much, you must have gotten a lot of pain.” he chuckled as he lightly hugged back, rested his head on the other’s head.  
“you used to cry everyday,” kai remembered. “i wondered if you’d ever run out of tears, or why you cried so much. then, i wondered where new flowers would be placed if they ran out of room.” they were silent for a bit, comforted by each other’s embrace, until kai broke it again. “do you want to see them?” he asked softly. “your flowers, i mean.” lloyd broke the hug and looked up at him with widen eyes.  
”...would you mind?” kai shook his head ‘no’ and moved to shut and lock the door. he took a deep breath in, to brace himself for what he would show lloyd. slowly, he undid his ninja uniform and when he uncovered the top part of his body, he heard a small gasp from the younger. “wh... is that from getting hurt?” lloyd had asked. the fire ninja shook his head ‘no’ and shakily moved to undo the bandages over his chest.  
”you haven’t had a lot of interactions with people, so i dont blame you for not knowing what this means...” he took a shaky breath, willing himself to stay calm as he unraveled the last of the bindings. “im still a guy,” he said- mostly to himself rather than the boy. “i just... have the body of a girl. does that make sense?” lloyd didnt respond, and kai didnt think he had the courage to turn around and face the other. then, he felt a soft finger, tracing all the designs on his back.  
”are these all from me..?” lloyd asked instead. kai, glad for the change of topic, nodded numbly. “oh man... im so sorry.” he felt lloyd give him another hug, but from behind this time. “i never knew about soulmates until a few months ago, when someone explained them after i had collapsed in pain. i didnt know someone felt pain whenever i cried...” kai held the other’s hands in his own.  
”its alright,” he promised. “i got over it after a while, and now that i know who you are, it's no wonder you cried.” he turned around and hugged him back for the third time, bringing his head into the other’s shoulder. “when i was a kid, first experiencing the pain of you crying, i made myself a promise that when i find you, i’ll make you feel better- i’ll take away your tears. i still hold myself to that.” although he couldnt see it, he sensed the other smile and they tore away from each other for the last time of that day. despite the awkwardness that surrounded them, lloyd pushed kai to lean down and touched their foreheads together.  
”you’ll always be a man,” he said, shocking kai. “no matter what body you have, no matter what anyone says: you’re a man and no one can tell you otherwise.”  
for the first time in his life, even after hearing it from everyone, he finally believed those words.


End file.
